Diet pills: Destiny or disaster?

I bought a bottle of diet pills for the first time in years. I had flashbacks to high school when my mom found some Trimspa pills (back when they had ephedra) under my bed (not in the package) and I told her they were vitamins because I'd been feeling tired lately. I had a friend's ana sister buy them. Now They don't even check ID.

• To hide it from a strange charge showing up on my bank account, I bought a bunch of healthy food and vitamins, so my boyfirend (with a joint account) wouldn't notice.
• I hide them in my car under the seat.
• I take them when I leave for work, and a few hours before I get off work, so the effects of the caffeine aren't noticeable.

I bought NV after a short read of a few boxes. I began with a cheap one ($15) in case it doesn't work. Does anyone out there have experience with this one? I'm wondering if Alli is worth the price. It promotes slow weight loss on the box, so I was put off a little. Hydroxycut may be my next pill. It contains a cousin of ephedra, and a lot of people seem to take them. I doubt the new Trimspa is selling well after the death of Anna Nicole, and I've heard without the ephedra, they're pretty useless. Ephedrasil Hardcore seems, well, hardcore. And spendy. Any oinions on this one?

Bottom line, I like the idea of extra help -- I'm going to need it. I want it to be reasonably safe, but balanced with results and low on the expense side.

My favorite foods (the good kind)

As much crap as I binge on, there are a few foods I LOVE because they're filling, satisfying, with lots of protien and little calories.

• egg whites: protien rich to avoid headaches and fatigue. Also feeds you muscles so your body eats up only your fat.
• lettuce: I like it with the spray-on vinagrette. It lets you count calories, with 1 calorie per spray. Romaine is my fav.
• Edamame beans: Good protien and filling for 90 cals for a half cup. Don't eat too many, though. A fav of Victoria Beckham.
• Celery: Negative calories, satisfying to much on.
• Carrots: Juicy, filling
• Meal bars: Only if you are eating very little that day. About 200 cals, but it's a MEAL with protien and lots of vitamins.
• RyKrisp: 25-50 cals per cracker, pair two with a small amount of cheese, and it's a good, very filling, 200-cal meal.
• Water: everyone's best friend
• Broccoli: Good for you, and one of my fav veggies.
• Diet dinners: I hate TV dinners. Never filling, always gross, but there have been some better ones lately if you're eating around 800 cals like me (for now). Any lean cuisine meals with chicken are good, and satisfying, just make sure to avoid the ones with creamy sauce ... creamy=fatty.
• Tofu: 40 cals for a fairly large amount. Bake, grill, or scramble with just about anything. Good for protien, and some are enriched with vitamins.
• Multivitamin: Keeps metabolism normal, if not better. Keeps your body looking healthy, not sickly, and I have that problem when I lose.

Some thinspo

I like real girl thinspo ... it's everywhere. I shows real people can achieve what I want, and what I want isn't so impossible. It keeps me going. How better to begain this blog? I'm inspired my little legs and arms, and my dream is a flat stomach. *SIGH* (If you're here and don't want to be, let me know.)

Taking the plunge

Damn recovery. It's made me as fat and depressed as ever. I'm healthier, happier and of course skinnier with my eating disorder. I'll first give you a bit of background:
I began my ED in middle school, settling at a comfortable size zero, 103 pounds. Puberty tried to take my body in high school, but I fought it the whole way. Some damaging things happened to me those years, (which I may gain the strength to finally speak about late, but not today) that pushed me over the edge. I got out of control and lost until I was 80 pounds. Collapsing at school of heart failure, I spent most of my senior year in the hospital ... gaining weight. I left the hospital and began college, eventually doubling my body weight.
I've realized recently I have a food addiction, so I really just transferred one extreme (starving) to another (overeating). More miserable than ever, I've made the decision that I'd rather be thin than huge and unhealthy.
You're reading this today because I don't want to go it alone. I want to be myself again. I feel like someone else trapped in another body. My goal? About 100 again. My weapons? A computer, lettuce, water and diet pills ... with a treadmill or two.