Okay, I took a long (and needed) break. I have been on the livejournal coomunities, and they're so great for support ... I feel like a new person. I am going to keep up on my posting, now. I'm ready. Bring on November!!!

Videos

There are a lot of thinspo videos on YouTube ... I can't seem to find HBO's "Thin" special anymore; it was likely taken down. But there is "I'm a child anorexic." This documentary is one of my favorites, and is several parts. I also love YouTube for music videos, especially ones I use for thinspo (Fiona Apple is my fav.). Also good is "The truth about size zero." Check it out, there's something for everyone there.

Ah, still on track.

Hello all. I've been feeling really wiped out lately, so I just stayed in bed all day yesterday, recovering from my 9-day work week. I'll relax a bit more today, but I need to get caught up on some chores, then I'll be back for some more posts. I'm still bloated, so it's hard to tell how I'm doing. Like I said earlier, I want to come out of this week feeling better than ever. I'll likely have an egg white omlette for lunch (maybe skip breakfast), some oatmeal, then some veggies. I'm hoping I can keep it down to that. If not, maybe some more oatmeal, with some splenda since oatmeal really fills you up, and I often crave sweets later in the day.

Or maybe I can fast ...

Some thoughts on progress

Although I fit in my pants and short a bit easier lately and some shirts that used to be embarassing to wear can now go into my normal rotation of what I usually wear, I still feel like a slacker. This working constantly thing is killing my progress. I have to be at work at 2 p.m. and I stay until midnight or 1 a.m., so then I am exhausted and sleep in (and through bike ride time). I have no time to plan a decent meal ... and to top it all off, I have a massive migraine. I'm hoping that if I stay strong this week, it means I canhandle anything :)

On a side note, flirting with one of my co-workers (sort of, he works in another department) was a lot of fun. I was having an extra bad day yesterday and we passed in the empty break room and he pulled me in and gave me a hug.... sigh.

Plan for today:
Starbucks
Before I go: Veggies steamer 100
At work: Salad 300, Veggie steamer 100
When I get home: Hot pocket 300

SO busy

Ugh. So busy. All I have time for is a quick bike ride ... work had been hell but I only have 4 days left ... However, I'm doin pretty good eating-wise. I'll update when I have a sec.

Checklist of things to do instead of eating

[] Try on small clothes

[] play with makeup

[] paint your nails

[] take a catnap

[] watch a movie
[] cruise online

[] e-mail friends

[] take a walk

[] start a blog/update your blog

[] do laundry

[] clean out the fridge/cupboards

[] vacuum

[] play with a pet
[] compile a list of no- and negative-cal foods

[] compile a list of low-cal meals

[] play with your hair

[] go to the mall and try on skinny clothes

[] clean your room

[] brush your teeth

[] dust

[] do crunches

[] clean out your closet

[] get a tan (spray or otherwise)

[] take a bath or shower

[] watch PETA videos (you'll lose your appetite for ALL food)

[] cruise YouTube

[] Grocery shop for healthy stuff

[] volunteer somewhere

[] start a recycle bin

[] try oragami

[] rearrange a room

[] organize a messy area of the house

[] mop the floors

[] read a magazine

[] read a book

[] paint/draw something

[] do pushups

[] come up with new outfits from your closet

[] make a list of reasons not to eat

[] whiten your teeth

[] wash windows

[] organize drawers

[] clean out your computer files

[] wash your bed sheets and blankets
[] make a thinspo cd

[] research a topic interesting to you online

[] write a poem

[] do yoga/stretch
[] lift some small weights

[] hang in there!!!

Bleh!

WHy on EARTH did I not ride my bike until today ... I was only able to do half my distance (about 2.5 mi. instead of 5 or so) today because I got too tired, and now I have a massive headache. I'm so frustrated right now.

My pper body is okay, but anywhere below my ribs is fat fat fat. My arms and everything are fine, and from the knee down I could pass for a marathoner, but above the knee to below the ribs is disgusting ... and the only way to fix that is diet and cardio ... argh. I really need to tighten up my diet if I'm going to make this work:

Breakfast:
Shredded wheat -- 200 cals
OR Egg whote omlette with a small amount of cheese -- 100 cals

Lunch and dinner:
Half PB sandwhich and steamed veggies -- 250
OR Steamed veggies and crackers -- 200
OR Steamed veggies and more raw veggies -- 150
OR Small pasta -- 250
OR Tuna -- 150

This is what's in my fridge/cupboard right now. Next time I go grocery shopping, I'llpost a permanent menu somewhere .. but I really need to plan ahead now ... time to man up (lmao)!

Back on track

I've been gone a couple of days -- starting my hell work week for the next several days before I get a day off NEXTMonday. Argh. Anyway, I haven't done great the past few days, just not bad. I lost it monday and had a pastry, but only ate veggies the rest of the day, so it evened out to about 600 calories. I'm going to go burn some extra today on the bike .... Overall, I hope I can turn this around into a productive week. The Boy got on a new schedule, so he leaves several hours before me for work every morning, so I'll be able to post more often every morning.

Plan B

Okay, new idea ...
I'm thinking I'm not planning ahead enough when it comes to my calorie intake. I should have my meals planned before the day starts so I don't get off track and consume all my calories before the afternoon (not that I've done that yet, but I've been tempted). So here is my plan toady, then later we'll se how I've stuck to it:

Breakfast: Starbucks lite doubleshot (70)
Lunch: Veggie steamer (100-ish)
Dinner: Wheat pasta (200-ish), maybe boiled carrots (40-ish)
Snacks: Crackers and dip (150-ish), Broccoli (50)
Optional if still hungry: Another veggie steamer? (100-ish)

This leaves me wel below 800 calories, as my calorie estimates are high. Later I'll make a plan for when I go back to work from vacation tomorrow.

Working extra hard

Bad bad bad slipup yesterday, but I doubled my exercise routine today to about 15 miles of biking, so really, I reduced that 1,000 day quite a bit to a reasonable amount. Why did I sin so? The boy took me out after we had a miserable day (Note to self, when depressed, don't let him talk you into food again.) Anyway, we didn't eat all day, so we went out, and I was way too tired to cook. I had a very small plate ... and a pomegranite margarita. OUCH. I needed some serious punishment, so my bike route today was extra long and hilly. That food was SO not worth it.

Stay strong,
Alex.

Back from bike ride

I was absolutely ravenous after my 7-mile bike ride. I had a veggie steamer (from green giant) to keep the hunger at bay while I made fish and carrots. I'm still debating what I'll have when the nighttime muchies strike, but so far I'm doing well.

Time for a workout

I can't wait to get on my bike this afternoon! Time to build muscle and burn calories. I plan on eating finally afterward -- probably just a vegetable steamer. I may go to the store for some ingredients to some cabbage soup (from the cabage soup diet). I did okay the past couple days, now it's time to lower my calorie counts to 500. I WILL NOT go over 600 for the next couple days, then I'll make another drastic cut, probably no more than 400-500. Anyway, looking to add some major elements to my blog today, so stay tuned and stay thin!

Hanging tough

With surprising ease I've made it through the day with a good start on my week!

I normally list my calorie intake on the side, but right now my computer is being stupid, so here goes (not bad for a first day)

Starbucks iced coffee: 0
Kashi crunch bar: 120
Caesar salad: 375
Vegetable steamer: 120
Total: 615

I'll likely eat another steamer for dinner, bringing my total to 735, under my 800-calorie goal … will update later!

So I was thinking ....

So I was thinking ...
If I spent half the time preparing food and thinking about food and cleaning up after I make food, I could get a lot more done. I could quit ruining myself inside and out by eating, I could be working on my outward appearance and fix my surroundings like I feel inside! I could clean, do beauty treatments ... every time I think about food! So I made a list of some things I should really be doing besides eating:

1. Whiten my teeth (you can't eat with gel on your teeth)
2. clean my house ... a lot
3. Organize my house
4. exercise! duh!
5. Take long, nourishing baths
6. Hair masks
7. blog!
8. do homework
9. watch beauty shows (America's Next Top Model, Style channel, etc.)

Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll think of some more.

My how things have changed!