The Beckham factor

Love her or hate her, she damn beautiful. At least her body. I personally love her style, and she is great thinspo. Oh, and I have her hair. She's like a fantasy. A doll. One of those larger-than-life figures. If I could create a woman, she'd be it. He man is awesome, she has a beautiful family. I really think she has it all.

Yesterday sucked

I was sore from overexercising and had a massive migraine. Yuck. I didn't eat much, but it was junk. I only took 2 diet pills instead of my usual 3 or 4, so I'm sure that did no good. However, I had a dream last night about a particularly hot coworker, and I realized why I want this so bad. I want to be thin because thin is loved, thin is wanted, accepted, accomplished. This is the ultimate control. It's the ultimate accomplishment and the best feeling. To know you're attractive instead of doubting.

The truth is the real world doesn't care who you are inside if all they see on the outside is a fatass. They don't care about your brain, your degree, your anything. They will listen when you look like you're in control and smart on the outside. They can't see the inside when it's covered in fat.

Thank you Charley, for your indirect thispiration.

Pills help

I think I'm going to credit diet pills with keeping my hunger under control. Last time I tried to go to 800 cals I was REALLY hungry. Now, not so much. My heart fluttered a bit and I felt funny the first day, but I feel normal, more energized now.

Real thinspo

So far so good

*Sigh*
So far so good. Feeling better, not fat. Surprisingly I haven't been hungry. As long as I eat at the right times (evenly spaced small snacks and meals). I feel energized and lighter. It sounds silly because I've MAYBE lost a pound (I don't have a scale), but I can feel it. I've heard during a diet the first few pounds, although not noticeable to others, feels the best because it's the fat in the most awkward places and it's water weight you've been carrying around. I guess this explains how the celebs look thin after a very restricted diet a few days before a big appearance. My face looks better -- not bloated.

I was a bit nervous yesterday after spending some time in the car with the boy ... Our roads here are under construction and my diet pills are under my seat, so I had to talk, make noise or play music to keep him from hearing the constant rattle every time we went over a bumpy patch. ha ha.